Updated: Apr 4
As a teenager and throughout my twenties I struggled with anxiety and depression. I struggled with perfection always living life in black and white: it was all or nothing. I was a perpetual people pleaser and a rebel. I didn't have boundaries and was constantly searching to be loved and accepted.
As I think back to to those difficult and dark times I have come to realize that most of what I was feeling and carrying around wasn't mine. I was wearing the weight of the world, collecting emotions and experiences the way I collected shoes and make up. I felt things so much bigger than those around me, feeling the pain of my loved ones as if it were my own, feeling the entanglement of energies as I entered a room, and feeling the collective heaviness of life. I didn't know where my energy started and someone else ended. I didn't know that I could ground to the earth to settle my swirling and I didn't know that I could set a forcefield of protection around me to create an energetic boundary for peace.
Recently, while organizing my basement, I found a journal page from high school. Sharing this innermost pain from that time exposes that vulnerable little girl. I want others to know, you are not alone on this journey and we are all walking alongside each other. Some live their lives out loud and some behind facades.
Can I remember what it was like