Lots of questions rolling around in my head, lots of scenarios and possibilities. My mind manifests these scenes complete with conversations, choices and outcomes. I sometimes weigh options that truly do not have weight in my life just to see how the outcome might effect me. This is Ego talking, the aspect of ourselves that wants grandiose and elaborate things that are mostly self serving. Its also my 'dear friend' Anxiety that I have gotten to know since enduring postpartum depression after my second child. Though it is hard to admit my faults, or what I sometimes perceive as faults, I know its all apart of the journey.
When I feel doubt looming, I know I need to change the narrative.
What thinking patterns have gotten me to where I am. What is allowing for growth and what is keeping me stuck? Am I willing to swallow my Ego and be terrible at what I’m doing while I learn the ropes, for as long as it takes, till I get better and well versed? Am I repeating the same patterns I've learned to survive? Am I thriving where I am? When I'm feeling overwhelmed and or stuck I ask "what needs to change?"
Its hard for me to be in the stillness: I’m a doer, a fixer, a helper. Make all the things easier and right. I used to want to make all the things "perfect" because then I knew I didn't need to improve. Always striving for the best. Currently, with my life journey I’m in a space of waiting. Waiting on others before I can take another step forward. Waiting for answers. Waiting till I have the go ahead. The Universe, with Gods hand, is teaching me that I cannot do and be all the things. I must release my need for control and to follow where I am lead. That doesn't mean just relinquish my act on the journey, it means I allow the cards to play out for the highest good.
I've been in this waiting space for a months and I keep wondering what the lesson is, I think I finally found it. I need to be still. Listen. And HEAR what the Universe is repeatedly whispering: Quiet, my child, be one with the earth. Stop the constant. Just be.